The First Step

Hello there, 

Whoever you are reading this I first off want to say I appreciate you! You may be a friend, family member, someone I went to school with, co-worker or most likely a complete stranger! So, hello and welcome! 

If you haven't already got the memo this is an anxiety blog. I have been an anxious person as long as I can remember - a vivid memory being when I was in first grade and cried because I didn't want to get up and do show and tell.. I could feel my heart beat out of my chest, my palms sweating and then BAM I cried (in front of everyone) when it was my turn. It probably didn't help that I was a shy kind to begin with but I know my anxiety started young and kind of grew with me as I got older. 

My school days were the worst for my anxiety. I would get to the point where I wouldn't want to get up for school and in some cases I'd 'pretend' to be sick or convince myself I was sick enough I couldn't go. I dreaded school camps, assembly and any situation where I had no control of the outcome and knowing EXACTLY how it was going to turn out. 

I'm an over thinker. Yes, I know a lot of us over think certain situations but I over think to the point where I feel helpless, make myself sad and convince myself I'm in the wrong - this is followed by hours even days of feeling guilty. 

For those people who know me, I'm quite a positive person and very bubbly - I'll often be that person giving you the positive pep talk (YOU CAN DO IT!) it's become kind of a wall I put up to hide the fact I'm drowning in my own thoughts and being the anxious person I am. The thing with anxiety is that you have to deal with it  24/7. My way of describing it is like it being a completely seperate person to yourself taking over the controls and making the decisions on your behalf - sometimes you know they are compelling irrational thoughts but you can't do anything but let it be. 

You have good days and bad ones or sometimes a good month then a bad week... I can proudly say along the way I seeked help and have come out on top but it's still an ongoing uphill battle, it's something I will have to live with but by telling my anxiety to SHHH (quite literally) and FORCE myself out to do things I love - I often feel great afterwards a reminder that some days I do win. 

The main reason I've started this blog is because of others - The one thing that has helped me deal and overcome my anxiety is reading other peoples experiences - being assured you are not the only one is the most humbling feeling! I want this to be a space where I can share my stories, journey and coping mechanisms with others. I want anxiety to be something we talk about and make it less awkward (I mean it's awkward enough to take this step and write it on the internet for all of the world to see - so help me out here!) 
If you had told me 5 years ago I would be open about my anxiety and get out there to seek help about it I would have laughed...
  If you are reading this and relate, please speak out, I'm here for you and I'm still learning too!


Sending love & light till my next post..
Sarah xx